July 19, 2012.... Still Just As Scary

By the time the morning came after Alexander was born,   I was on high alert.  I was exhausted and praying pretty hard.  I had felt the joy of bringing our precious son into the world and felt the pain of watching him fight his life all in less than 5 hours.  It is so hard to stand and watch while your child work so hard to catch every breath.  You want so badly to somehow jump into his tiny body and breath for him but you can't.  All you can do is stand, watch and pray. He would do a little better then go back 2 steps. Then do a little better and then get worse again.  I was and still am on a roller coaster.  He was so uncomfortable and had to work so hard to breath.  Breathing would become Alexander's job and it was my job to make sure he got all of the care he could possibly receive to make that happen.  I have become a crazed parent about everything the doctors and nurses do.  I want to know why, how and for what. I quickly learned about how oxygen works and how all of his machines work.  I want to make sure that I know what he going on if his machines start beeping and why they are beeping.

He is still so cute even with all of the wires and his little oven mitt.  He tried to take out the wires so they had to put his hand in the mitt. He hated it.

He was not progressing the way he needed to and in the wee hours of the morning, he would be transported to the Children's Hospital for more specialized care.  I was not discharged yet and I was so mad I couldn't go.  I had just had my son and now they are taking him to another location and I can't go.
I worked very hard to make sure that next morning I would be discharged as early as possible so I could rush on over to where Alexander was. And that is exactly what I did.