July 28, 2012: WE'RE GOING HOME!!

Today was the day that we thought wouldn't come for awhile.  We got the news that they baby may be coming home on the 27th.  The doctor said that if his stats stay stable for the next 24 hours then he would be cleared to come home.  I really didn't think that he would be home this early.  We would hear rumbles that most babies in Alexanders position and health status stay in the NICU for no less than 2 weeks.  I was prepared for a long stay. Well, as prepared as I could be.  But my little guy kept fighting and fighting and getting stronger every single day.  Once he started to get better, he never had a set back.  The doctor actually called him the "best case scenario." So when the doctor said he needed to stay stable for 24 hours, my nerves kicked it.  I would frantically watch his monitor praying that everything would stay in the good zone.  I couldn't take my eye off of that monitor.  When I left for the night, I couldn't sleep.  I couldn't think about anything else but what his monitor was saying.  I know I drove Kiko nuts that night.
When I went to the hospital this morning, the nurse said "It looks like you are headed home."  I immediately started to cry.  And not just a little cry.  It was one of those ugly, can't breath, face all red and have to sit down kinda cries.  I was overwhelmed with emotion.  I knew this would be a possibility but I had actually prepared myself for him to be staying. So when I hear that he was really coming home, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Our life could FINALLY begin as a family.  I had done a lot of the education and discharge stuff the day before and set up all of his appointments so discharge as very easy.  By the time the doctor wrote the orders for us to leave, I had packed up and was ready to go. The whole process took 20 minutes.  Normally trying to leave the hospital takes forever.  I lucked out with an amazing nurse (she actually comforted me when I completely broke down after hearing we would really be leaving.)  We just were waiting for Kiko to get to the hospital so we could leave.

Ready to go home!!

Now that we are home, we are all relaxed.  Our little family of four got into a groove very fast. Alexander eats every 4 hours.  It is wonderful. He has a set schedule.  Looks like I will be sleeping!!

She was so happy to finally hold her little brother!

I again want to thank everyone for the support.  It really helped us get through the hospital stay knowing Alexander had so many cheerleaders cheering him on every step of the way.

I will continue to keep the updates going.  Even though we are out of the hospital, our journey is not over.  We still have lots of doctors appointments and mile stones to hit. But at least he is home!! <3

Put It In His Hands

This week has been the most challenging week of my life. There is no sleep, lots of stress, and trying to make sure Alli still feels loved. I get a lot of questions about how I am. I normally just say I'm tired.  I was given incredible advice by an angel that I work with named Laurel. She has an amazing heart and listens. She told me while I was going through the toughest part of my pregnancy to just put my heart and trust into Gods hands. That is exactly what I did.  Things started to get easier.  I have also taken Ms. Underwoods advice and let Jesus take the wheel.  I think putting my faith into knowing that God knows I can handle this has made things easier to accept.  Plus stress will only lower my very high milk supply. This NICU baby process has brought me closer to my faith and I will keep this relationship going because it is really working for me.

As our journey ends here in the hospital and our new life at home begins, I ask you to say a little prayer for the babies still in the NICU who still have a ways to go. And pray their families get the support they need to stay positive because I have learned it is hard sometimes to stay positive but it is the only way to not go nuts.

I thank everyone for the prayers. They work!

July 25, 20120 HUGE Day for Alexander

Notice something missing?  If you guessed his breathing tube and feeding tube then YOU ARE CORRECT!!!

This is the day Kiko and I have been waiting for since all of this started.  He is FINALLY OFF OF THE OXYGEN!!!!! He is now on full feeds.  In this picture, he still has the IV in but it is now out.  He breastfeeds like a champ!! They were concerned about his eating but he eat so much yesterday they had to do the math 5 times.   He lovessss to eat!! He is gaining the weight that he needs to.  

He has been doing so good off of the oxygen and breathing on his own.  This is a huge turning point. I must admit I didn't think that this would happen so early so I am so glad that it did.  

Hopefully he will be home soon!!

He also had a very special visitor.  Pap Pap Jim flew down to see him!!

He is only getting better!! Keep praying for him because he still isn't home!

July 24, 2012 Continuing to Get Stronger

So today is a pretty slow news day.  He is still on oxygen and the doctors continue to decrease the amount that he needs which is a great sign.  This little boy really likes to rip out his feeding tube, IV's and any kind of wire that is on his body.  He gets a new IV daily now.  The doctors keep saying how great he is doing but still no sign of when he may be home.

July 23, 2012 Big Day for AJ!

So today was very active for out little Alexander.  Between 10:00 a.m. and 12:00 p.m., the doctors always come to make their rounds.  We received lots of good news!  He had his oxygen level lowered and they are feeding him more of my milk through his tube.  He is doing VERY well with eating and knows exactly what time his next feeding is.  He is going to be very chunky!  So we did get all good marks from the doctor.

Big sister Alli and my Mom came to the hospital today too!!  I was nervous to see how Alli would react to seeing her brother with all of the wires, machines, and the box but she did very well.  She is excited to see that we are not here playing and having fun. She was very bored. She is going to be such a great sister once she gets the chance to be! Oh she also got to meet Ronald McDonald!  That was fun for her.  He was cruising around the hospital when we got here.

My mom was also able to hold him for awhile.  She was in heaven and so was he.  He slept so well in her arms.  She has been such an amazing help.  I'm glad that she got to spend some quality time with Alexander in the event that he doesn't get to come home before she leaves.

And FINALLY Alexander got to get a bath.  I got to be the one to give it to him!! At first I was a little nervous because its been some time since I gave a newborn a bath and I was even more nervous this time because he is in his little box and he is so fragile. It ended up being so much fun.  He wasn't a huge fan at first then he ended up loving it.  It was so comfortable and cozy. He really likes to have his hair washed.  Soon after he got a bath, he was smiling and making the cutest faces.  He is now getting such a cute little personality.  I just can't get enough of him!

It was mohawk Monday!

 I still get the question "So when is AJ coming home?" from a lot of people.  I for one hate that question because we really don't know.  He is going to get better on his own time and I don't want to rush it.
Plus under doctors orders, we will not be having any visitors over for the first week he is home.  He needs to get used to his environment first before bringing other people into his world.  Secondly, we will only allow 2 visitors at a time for a maximum stay of one hour.  We need to limit his time around other people.  Lastly, we will not allow children under 14 around him for a month after he is born.  Please understand that this is what is best for our son.  We have come so far and we do not want to back track at all.  I will do everything the doctor says because it is what needs to happen.  So again, we are sorry that people can not immediate come over but I refuse to tamper his health.

July 22, 2012 Finally Starting To Hear Good News

Today was kind of a slow update kind of day.  The doctors are slowly weening him off of the oxygen and he seems to be tolerating it pretty well.  He now LOVES a passy and needs one in his mouth at all times. This is a good thing....for now.  He has only been fed by a feeding tube we are happy that he has the urge to suck.  He is also high maintenance.  He doesn't like the light in his eyes so whenever a nurse opens his little box, I have to cover his eyes.  I'm spoiling him already.  Any way I can, I will.  A nurse tried to put a "pick" in his arm because he likes to pull out his IV.  This is just a longer tube that goes towards his heart. They gave him pain meds and sedated him but he still moved around a lot so they couldn't do it.

I got to hold him 2 days in a row.  This time I get to hold him for 2.5 hours.   I always look forward to holding him.  It gives me such peace knowing that he feels comfortable and safe in my arms. He has never cried once.  It is such a great feeling.  Plus, holding him helps me produce milk.  It is working because I make A LOT of milk. I may need to start profiting from it! Just kidding. But I am a human milk factory. TMI?

We just hope as the days and weeks go on that he gets stronger and stronger until he can finally come home!

Keep Praying!

How Mom Is Handling Things

I am writing this blog to help me release a lot of the feelings that I do have about everything that is going on.  I'm not trying to sugar coat anything.  This process sucks!  I know this is what is best for my son but it really sucks.  I don't know how parents that have their baby at 24, 25, 26, 27 weeks do it.  I really don't.  Somehow you find this incredible strength inside that you never knew you could even have.  You keep fighting because your baby is to sick to.

When all of this first started happening, I was a complete mess. Complete and entire mess. I still cry every time I leave the hospital for the 40 minute drive home.  I cry every time I see a new mommy getting to take their baby home.  I actually get mad at them.  I know these feelings will eventually get better but for now I am completely jealous that they get to hold their baby whenever they want.

I am having a hard time dealing with being at the hospital for so long and being away from Allison. It is starting to get to her.   I am never with Kiko anymore for more then the "so this is the update" talk. If thats what you want to call it. Plus I am not sleeping at all.  I pump every two hours so Alexander has enough milk for every feeding without needing to supplement formula and he needs enough of a supply when I'm not here.  I have to keep my phone volume up so I can make sure I answer it if there is a problem with Alexander when I am home. So I hear every text message and email that I get also.  I actually woke up to over 50 text messages and 21 facebook messages.  With the noise going off on my phone constantly, I get no sleep.  I wish I could tell you the last time I actually slept for more than 40 minutes.  I do appreciate everyone's concern but they need to take into consideration that I need rest too.

I know as the days and weeks go on things will get easier. For now, things are hard. I am so lucky that I have people around me that support me. If I didn't I'm not sure what I would do. 

July 21, 2012 On The Road Getting Better

This day has been a day of great strides and very little set backs.  They did take him off of his meds.  He is off of the CPAP machine, and he even had some of my milk that I have been working so hard to produce! I can't bare the thought of Alexander being alone. I would never sleep for this little boy but I have to take care of myself also.  Plus, I still have a little girl at home that needs me.  She is very happy that Nanny is in from Ohio but it still nice to have time with her.
He is responding well to his new oxygen machine.

He is finally off of the big CPAP machine so I can take pictures of him now!

 I got a chance to finally hold our little man since he was transferred over here to the Florida Children's Hospital.  I got to hold him for almost 3 hours and it was complete bliss.  I don't get to hold him much but when I do my world completely stops.  I worry about nothing and completely immerse myself into that very moment.  

Kiko got a chance to hold him for a little over on hour.  I know that it meant the world to him because he has had very limited time to actually hold the baby.  We cherish the moments where we get to pick him up and give him lots of kisses.

We continue to pray for progress and we are not worrying about how much time he has left in here.  Alot of people are asking us when we think he will be home. It could be weeks or days.  No one knows at this point.  The only thing we are worried about is his health and even if it takes months then it takes months.  We are in no rush when it comes to the health of our baby boy.

July 20, 2012 ....New Location, Same Worries

DISCHARGED! Time to rush to my baby boy.  When I got to the hospital, Alexander was on a CPAP machine.  Think of it this way,  A CPAP masks is like when you stick your head out the window and you feel all of that wind in your face.  It is a ton of oxygen all at once but it was much needed for my little fighter. He needed to clear out his lungs as fast as possible and this was the way to do it.  I refused to have any pictures of him taken with that mask on.  I don't want those to be the memories he has.  I only get pictures when he is comfortable and without a lot of stuff on him.  So the were on the CPAP machine for awhile.  He would make some great strides then we would get a set back. Then make more strides then more set backs.  You learn fast to be cautiously optimistic. By the end of the day, all of his levels were looking good and he was using less oxygen then he ever has. Things were starting to look up.......

They let me take off his CPAP mask to get a quick picture. 

July 19, 2012.... Still Just As Scary

By the time the morning came after Alexander was born,   I was on high alert.  I was exhausted and praying pretty hard.  I had felt the joy of bringing our precious son into the world and felt the pain of watching him fight his life all in less than 5 hours.  It is so hard to stand and watch while your child work so hard to catch every breath.  You want so badly to somehow jump into his tiny body and breath for him but you can't.  All you can do is stand, watch and pray. He would do a little better then go back 2 steps. Then do a little better and then get worse again.  I was and still am on a roller coaster.  He was so uncomfortable and had to work so hard to breath.  Breathing would become Alexander's job and it was my job to make sure he got all of the care he could possibly receive to make that happen.  I have become a crazed parent about everything the doctors and nurses do.  I want to know why, how and for what. I quickly learned about how oxygen works and how all of his machines work.  I want to make sure that I know what he going on if his machines start beeping and why they are beeping.

He is still so cute even with all of the wires and his little oven mitt.  He tried to take out the wires so they had to put his hand in the mitt. He hated it.

He was not progressing the way he needed to and in the wee hours of the morning, he would be transported to the Children's Hospital for more specialized care.  I was not discharged yet and I was so mad I couldn't go.  I had just had my son and now they are taking him to another location and I can't go.
I worked very hard to make sure that next morning I would be discharged as early as possible so I could rush on over to where Alexander was. And that is exactly what I did.

The Scariest Thing A Parent Can Go Through

After the birth of our son was over and the family had left, the nurse came in to the room to see if I wanted her to give Alexander a bath.  I said yes because I wanted him to be comfortable.  This was about 4 hours after he was born.  Mind you, in those four hours he was very fussy but everyone chalked it up to his belly being full of fluid still and it would go away. So the nurse took Alexander into the nursery for a relaxing bath....so I thought.

The nurse said it would only take about 20 mins.  20 mins quickly went by, then 40.  I had just thought "Man, he has been in there a long time for a bath." and it seems like the nurse was waiting outside of our door for me to say that because she came into the room as I said it.  She said that she had tried to call us but the phone in our room was not working.
The baby's color was a bluish gray.  He didn't look good at all.  It was darker in my room so no one could really tell that he was that blue.  She told us that we would need to go to the nursery to see him.  By the time we got to the nursery, he was already hooked up to machines.  I completely broke down.  When you don't expect to see your child hooked to monitors (or even if you do) it is the hardest thing you have to see.  I had to go back to my room because I was so hysterical. Then of course you start to wonder why all of this is happening and maybe it was something that I did.  At that moment, I didn't have any answers so I would have to wait and man, I was freaking out.

The nurse said that he isn't breathing like he needs to be and they were going to take his blood and take a chest xray to see what was going on.  Once the results came back from those tests Alexanders doctor was called. He told the nurses to start him on meds and get him on oxygen which he already was.  The results came back and the doctor determined that it looked like it was pneumonia. I was still a hot mess at this point.  It was just so hard to hear any bad news. I learned that hearing bad news would be something normal for a little while.  This was in the first few hours of life.

Alexander Jose Vargas....The Birth Story

So any of you people who are reading this do know that my pregnancy has not been the easiest.  I went through a lot to get pregnant and even more to stay pregnant.  Toward the end of my pregnancy not only did I have 6 kidney stones (3 in each kidney) but I also had to see a specialist for the baby because of his size. Apparently everyone thought that he was going to be a super huge baby.  Luckily for me and my body, he was not.  He was still large for his gestational age.

The specialist decided that it would be best for me to have the baby at 37 weeks because of his size.  Our doctor, Dr.Boutling agreed with the specialist and an induction was set.  I won't get into details because actually scheduling the induction WAS NOT EASY!!!!!!!!

So here is how he came into the world....About 2:30 p.m. on July 18, 2012, my water broke.  Before my water broke, I had some serious kidney pain and was waiting to get into a room that had a bath tub. Every time I get a lot of kidney pain, a bath always helps.  So I finally got into the room about 30 mins after my water broke.  Once in the bath tub, my contractions really started to pick up and a little painful.  They checked to see how far dilated I was after I got out of the bathtub and I was already at 7 cms.  This was about 4:30ish.  I continued to dilated very fast.  By 5:30, I was ready to push.  I pushed for 4 contractions and brought our beautiful son into the world at 5:51 p.m.

Seeing my little miracle for the first time was so overwhelming.  They laid him on my chest and I got to hold him for what seemed to be an hour. In reality it was only about 10 mins but my world stopped in that moment. Nothing else mattered. I got to share this beautiful miracle with the love of my life.  We had made such a handsome little boy.  I must admit that Kiko and I make really cute kids.  It was our moment.

Shortly after I had Alexander, Big sister Alli got to come and see the baby!  Seeing my two little miracles together was by far the best moment of my life. It will be very hard to beat that moment when you see the two centers of your world collide.  Alli was just cautious and careful when she first saw him.  I wasn't convinced she liked him all that much but she warmed up to him before it was time for her to leave.  Now she is always asking to see him and when he is coming home.  It was bliss with all of us together as a family....even if it was only for a short while.